Day 2

Fat Girl Logic I

Cute, intelligent, witty, interesting, and kind [is less than] cute intelligent, witty, interesting, kind, and thin.

It's interesting that many times I go through my day feeling like less of a person because I don't have that last attribute. (ironic that taking up more space can make you feel like less of a person) This is a major obstacle for many of us less than perfect women. Why bother going to meet that guy you've been chatting up on the internet? He's only going to be disappointed when he meets you in person. For that matter, why bother spending time trying to make yourself look good.? No clothes are going to look good on you, and no amount of making your face and hair pretty will cover up the huge and glaring flaw you have. Why bother at all? Nobody's going to want you like this.

These are the extremes of negative thinking that can dog at my head from time to time. They don't attack all the time, but there is a direct relationship between how much these thoughts attack me and how high my stress is.

On the other hand, there are times when I feel good. I feel in my body and I can forgive the shape more easily. These are usually the times I'll actually enjoy eating a grapefruit over that cheesy burrito with extra sour cream.


So in all honesty, I haven't even been thinking about what I eat these past few days. I'm in tech for a play that opens next week, which means I go long stretches without food, and when it comes time to eat, I'm so hungry, I'll shovel whatever is availble and convenient into my mouth. Also, when you're working so close to the edge all the time, it's amazing how much a bar of chocolate can take the edge off. So it's pretty clear: if I want to get healthier, I'll have to get away from the edge first.