More thoughts tonight: Personal myths

Ok, I seem to be full of thoughts tonight.

Of course my mind keeps wandering back to the Boy from Oz...despite his extended holiday (meaning I haven't seen him for a week and he's not coming back for another two weeks), I find myself more and more smitten with this boy.

I figure him being away for three weeks allows me sometime to reflect on the personal myths I hold about myself and how I might undo these myths.

The thing is, I've just begun to realize how much these myths have been ruling my life without my really knowing. And these myths certainly can hold a lot of power. For instance, these myths have prevented me from dating or having a real relationship for pretty much all of my life.

(yes, I've never had a romantic relationship or any real experience in romance at all)

So I'm going to risk being overly self-indulgent (I guess this blog is a bit of that anyways) and just take a moment to list the myths that I have been holding as truths in my life. These are all myths that still hold a certain amount of power for me, but I hope that by naming them, perhaps I can start to wrench myself from their control.

So here goes:

PERSONAL MYTHS

• My weight makes me not attractive enough to date or be in a relationship
• Being overweight means that there is no way I could possibly be pretty
  
• I would never be considered sexy by another guy because of the shape of my body
• Being a nice or interesting person is not enough if I am overweight
• When other people see me, it is my weight that they see first
• Being overweight diminishes my value as a person
• A potential partner would be much better off with someone who is more fit than I
• I clearly am living my life wrong if I am shaped like this

Alright, I named them. Though I suspect that there could be more lurking deeper beneath the surface.

These are the things that stand in my way at the moment. These are the things that have prevented me so many times from taking an opportunity to find love or affection. These are what I'm grappling with right now as I find myself in my current situation of REALLY liking someone and REALLY wanting to pursue something with him.

Geez...now I wonder if I'm ready or not.....