This morning, I took a ballet class given by a friend of mine on my current course. Now I love dancing, but dance classes in general have been my biggest struggle with this course over all. I did train in dance when I was younger, but then I got "too heavy" to really look at any advancement at the ballet school I was at. And if I don't get the feeling of moving up or onwards with anything I do, I tend to lose interest. So I stopped dancing.
In this course, I am the heaviest person. I see this and am reminded of this every day.
The toughest part of dance classes for me now is looking at myself in the mirror. When I see how much bigger I am than everyone else in the row, it causes a little inner cringe every time.
But something strange happened to me in this class. When the class started, I saw my big self in the mirror and did my inner cringe, bit my lip, and moved on.
But somehow between the beginning and end of the class, I shrank. I don't really know how to describe it other than that. I just didn't look as big to myself by the end of the class.
It's so strange how changeable the experiences of our bodies can be. We go through more feelings of sizes than actual sizes. Those days we feel big, those days we feel thinner.
I want to find that thing that shrank me during that ballet class and keep it all the time.
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